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Thoughts of a Mind
20 most recent entries

Date:2013-11-11 13:28
Subject:this hurts

This hurts. It's overwhelming. My chest is frozen with pain. There were no signs. I didnt think it was even close. How? After almost three years can it all just be shut off. How can it be so easy for him when I feel unable to breath. My head hurts from the tears. I wish I could go back to a few days ago. When nothing hurt this much. When everything was okay. I may have been in ignorance but it was certainly blissfull.

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Date:2009-03-19 01:08
Subject:word to the wise
Mood: apathetic

when you have written a lot about a certain person in your old entries its not i good idea to go back and read them if you dont even talk to the person anymore. it brings up too many memories and too many things you would rather not think about. its funny how one moment you think you are okay and the next you feel all hurt again. at least it happens a lot less as of late

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Date:2009-01-26 00:43
Subject:time for an update
Mood: tired

ok so for all of my friends who actually read this i guess i should make an update...hmm what dont some of you know? well im working again. im back at target. it kind if feels like a step back, but at least im doing more than just filling out job applacations. im very slowly but surley diiging myself out of my financial hole. again the emphasis is on slowly. at least im going in the right direction. love life...sucks, but at least there has been a couple bright moments. some friends keep fadding in and out of my life. it can be hard to keep track of everyone. dont worry munstermomma its not you! im am so sick of tired of this cold. i have had it off and on since november. im over it. really. can anyone make it go away. my sister is in town. we went to disneyland last thursday. now that you can pay your anual pass monthly i was able to renew. so yay. she goes back to tennesse on tuesday. im glad that shes here because i did miss her, but some part of me gets a lil irked having to put the rest of my life on hold because she is here. i dont know if that is wrong of me, but thats just the way i feel. im not going out as much cause i dont really have the money and im tired of the same people paying for me. it makes me feel bad how much money they spend on me. i think i just need to spend more time at home. thats all i can think to write about now, but im sure as soon as i hit post i will think of a million different things i should of said

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Date:2008-10-03 16:31
Subject:just an opinion
Mood: thoughtful

i've noticed that even though i rarely ever post on livejournal i like the strangers here more than on myspace. i belog to the freewriters community here and the response i get back from people who like what i have to say is so much better than anything i have ever posted in a myspace forum. i even think more strangers tend to read what i post here than my friends ever read my blog. sometimes i post the same entyr in both places just to see what kind of response i wil get. and the live journal is usually better...don't worry janette, your the exception, but your on both so im not sure if that counts

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Date:2008-10-01 01:14

- Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
- Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
- Post them here for everyone to guess.
- Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
- NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions

1. "My name's not fuckin Warren!"  Empire Records
2."Don't tell me. You're a French aristocrat, she's a simple girl of the people, and she won't even give you a tumbrel. Hah! "
3."This isn't where I parked my car."  Eurotrip
4."Take Hitler and stick him on the funny page. "
5. "Don't pay anybody in advance. And don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine, they fall right out of the sky."  Serenity
6."Thank you. That will be nice. Yes is being my answer. Easy question"  Love Actually
7. "This is the most fun."
8. "Prudie... Come on, you're not really going to read this all aloud... Alright, one page... "
9. "I put at button on it. Yes. I wish to press it, but I'm not sure what will happen if I do. "
10. " I thought all writers drank to excess and beat their wives. You know one time I secretly wanted to be a writer."

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Date:2007-12-19 10:37
Mood: angry

you know what sucks, when coworkers go through your desk when your not there, and then there is really nothing you can do about it because that said coworker is your bosses favorite. i need to find a new job.

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Date:2007-12-13 11:47
Mood: full

i have already eaten too much chocolate, cookies, and other sweets today. vendors always send us christmas sweets, and i am so full. got to love the holiday season.

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Date:2007-12-13 10:20
Subject:adventures with the boys
Mood: crazy

last night was fun. i went to the cha with mark and ghoti (fish).  it was actually pretty busy for a wednseday night but it was a bunch of people i knew. we weren't planning to but we closed out the bar. and then went to dennys. i don't know why i think its a good idea to not get home till 3:30 on a day i have to be at work at 8 but i do it all the time. the conversations were fun as well. so janette you will be interested to know that i brought up ryan to mark. i asked mark if ryan was going to be at the stone on sunday, and he said not this sunday and i guess me face looked really relieved cause he said "i know that was creepy and i told him that, but he is my drummer." part of me wanted to ask what ryan said when mark told him he was creepy but i got destracted by a song. so i think ghoti was right when i told him about the incident on monday night (and his reaction was among the lines of "thats really creepy, and there is really no excuse for that) and marks reaction he said that mark was probably drunk  and would think differently about it when he was sober.

also got to talk to jen for awhile. i've met her a lot but this was the first real conversation between me and her. shes real cool.

i think i'm moving more furniture today. which is good because that means i will actually have a room soom and which is bad cause i am so tired. i don't know if i want to go out tonight. i'll have to see where the wind takes me. 

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Date:2007-11-13 11:25
Mood: exhausted

i really need to not drink so much in a work night but its easier to drink more when people by you drinks.
by the way janette i taught mark, shannon, and laisha the circle of death last night. it was very much enjoyed. oh my god the rules that were made up. it was fun. i got to play that with you again.

i need to be careful though cause i think i'm starting to get sick again and i really dont want that. its no fun feeling sick. no fun at all.

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Date:2007-10-26 15:02
Subject:please don't be a jinx
Mood: good

i'm in a good mood. a really good mood and that is odd becaue i am still at work. today has gone rather quickly, which is always good. i have also gotten a lot of stuff done that i needed to do, i really am all caught up and that is certainly a weight off of my sholders. plus i get to see mark as soon as i get off work. its only for a little while, but its still something. a couple hours is nothing to gripe about. i also found out last night that he does consider us to be dating. one of his friends asked him how long we had been dating, and insted of him saying we were just friends or something rather complicated he simply answered a couple of months. which i know isn't really all that significant but it is something. 

my birthday was on tuesday, and all the plans i had got thrown out of the window because of the fires. but i still i had a good day. mostly thanks to the people i was with, but it was so much better than the year before.

and now to make up for not being able to go on my birthday i am going to disneyland on sunday. yay! 

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Date:2007-10-18 14:59
Subject: stir crazy
Mood: good

its 3 o'clock and i have an hour and a half to go and i just cant seem to sit still. plus i really don't have anything to do cause i am all caught up the csr's are way behind on invoicing. i know that when i come in next week there is going to be a huge pile on my desk and i am going to get way behind but there is nothing i can do about. there is nothing i can do if they don't do there job. i think that is the biggest complaint i have about my job. a lot of what i do depends on other people doing there shit first, so i have to do a lot of waiting.

i keep losing my spot cause the phone keeps ringing, and i keep getting text messages. though i guess the longer it takes me to write this. the less time i have till i can leave.

i'm going to hollywood this weekend. yeah! i haven't been since april's bday, so i am seriously excited. 

and its my birthday on tuesday, i'm gonna be at disneyland during the day and then i'm going to carriage house that night. if anyone wants to come you are more than welcome.

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Date:2007-10-09 15:10
Mood: curious

1. Garden State--this is one of the best dark comedies. i don't think i have laughed and cried so many times in a movie. "Oh, I've done that before."

2. Only Angels Have Wings---this is an oldy but a goody. Cary Grant and Jean Arthur, need i say more. Movies just aren't made like they use to be. "Heads you stay, tails you go"

3.Stage Beauty---this movie isn't widely known but i absolutely love it. I have no problem watching it over and over again. It's a romantic comedy yes, but there are defintily darker points to it. "You almost killed me." "I did, you just didn't die"

4. Spiceworld---please don't throw anything, but if you fast forward through the songs the movies plot is so random that it is hilarious. "What happened to the bomb on the bus?" 

5. My Sister Eileen---another older one, but i love this musical.

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Date:2007-10-02 15:09
Subject:Dancing with myself
Mood: complacent

so a friend of mine recommended doctor who to me, and now i am totally addicted to that show. really. i'm watching bits of it when i go home for lunch just so i can get caught up. thank goodness  for netflix. i do not know how i use to get on with out it. 

last night was fun, got buzzed, but not wasted. unlike saturday night, which well is best unspoken of. i think i remember everything, but i'm not quite sure. its just best not to be talked about.

and there was stuff i wanted to say, but now i just don't feel like it anymore.

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Date:2007-09-25 11:41
Subject:no hangover for me
Mood: cheerful

five shots of tequila before you to a bar is a really good idea! last night was sp much fun. i drank, a lot. it was cool seeing adam, who i hadn't seen in almost a year. allison was awesome as always. fevercrotch was awesome as well. they sang day dream believer. whoo! this is a short one but i totally lost my train of thought.

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Date:2007-09-21 16:06
Subject:FREEWRTIE----i'm bored
Mood: creative

 numb is the silent killer
i watch as the blood flows down my wrist. the pattern in which it falls is unusual. the constant pulsating of my heart pushes more and more blood out. the puddle expanding on the floor is the deepest red i have ever seen. i am hypnotized by it. there was no pain, when the razor slit into my wrist. i was releasing the poison. releasing the numbness so i could feel pain. pain is better than feeling nothing. i know i should stop the blood, but i don't seem to want to. i have lost the will to fight, and i don't know why. i know there is something wrong with me. i know it was wrong to do this. i know the rate that i am losing blood is quite fast and that my head is starting to feel rather light. i really want to know how i got this bad. what made me do this. nothing bad happened, nothing at all happened. everything just got so bland. i lost myself somewhere in a crowd of voices that don't make any sense. i wish i had someone to rescue me. i wish i had the will to rescue myself. but all i have is black. all i have is the darkness that is taking over my soul as surely as the once white bathroom floor is now stained in red. its just too cold now.

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Date:2007-09-19 14:50
Subject:rain rain come and play
Mood: content

i'm watching out the window
looking at the grey covered sky
waiting for the rain to fall

i love the sound
of water crashing
against the roof

i'm watching out the window
wanting it to start
waiting for the rain to fall

i love to stand
in the middle
of all the madness

i'm watching out the window
crazy with anticipation
waiting for the rain to fall

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Date:2007-09-19 11:24
Subject:What Do You Have To Say? - Arts & Crafts: My Inspiration

Where do you get inspiration for your arts and crafts?
 i get inspiration from words. singular words. simply sitting on a piece of paper not doing anything. a word that when connected with another can start to transform into something with meaning. as words keep getting added sentences are formed, and who knows where you can go from there. i think that one line of dialouge can create such a beautiful picture that simply speaks for itself, on many different levels.

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Date:2007-09-07 14:40
Subject: i will beat this!
Mood: groggy

damn colds, i feel like crap, but i know i could feel worse so i guess the cold hasn't beat me completely. i just have to keep fighting it off. it sucked i couldn't go last night but i felt so ucky, and was so tired i was asleep before 11, and i'm use to staying out till at least 2 so that was very strange. i've only been out 3 times this week, i think i'm in a lull, oh no!  ok....now i'm going to do what sam did

first 10 songs on shuffle, and say something about them.

1. Goodbye Again-Vertical Horizon
it's an okay song, sometimes i listen to it, sometimes i skip over it

2. Move Along--The All-American Rejects
i love this song, it always speaks to me (hahaha)

3. Spokesman-Goldfinger
i like this one cause it has a great beat, and i use to quote it for my myspace headline....who the fuck is felicity i have problems of my own

4. Lips of an Ange-Hinder
his voice is just so pretty!

5. Semi-Charmed Life-Third Eye Blind
i love the do do dos

6. Sweet's Song-Buffy the Vampire Slayer
not my fav from the episode but i had to have the entire soundtrack on my ipod

7. She Drives Me Crazy-Fine Young Cannibals
got to love one hit wonders

8. 100 Years-Five for Fighting
i still love this song, even if it used in commercials

9. 3 Small Words-Josie and the Pussycats
i do not need to explain myself t you

10. I Get a Kick out of You-Jeanmarie
its from anything goes, and its a cole porter song...need i say anymore

ok i'm done

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Date:2007-09-04 15:40
Mood: confused

how can some things be going so right and some just go so wrong, which leaves you not sure how to feel. i want to be happy but there are things keeping me from that, and i could be sad but there is a little good. so now i am stuck in the middle. just confused, and happy at some moments, and in total despare at others. i blame it on being a girl. sometimes i think it would be so easy to just not feel anything. sometimes the bad hurts so much i could give up the good just so i would never have to feel that bad again. and sometimes the good makes me able to deal with the bad. thank goodness for journals, where else would i vent? or at least try to put a little bit of description to the emotions that are swirling through me and making everything a bit of a blur.

for those of you who don't know...i am officaly out of my moms house. i have freedom. i have a life, its nice.

and also, my heart has been hurt just a little. i wouldn't say broken, just maybe a little crushed. we hadnt gotten in far enough for my heart to be broken, though i wanted to get that far. as one of my friends said who is totally there for me..maybe its just a break

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Date:2007-08-24 15:27
Subject:there is only one thing to say
Mood: tired

some times its fun to be just a little bit evil.

last night had its awesome momets, and a couple of odd ones. there is only one problem with going to shooters. i usually get stuck watching the stuff and the pool table while everyone else is smoking. so i sit inside by myself for at least 10min at a time. one of these days i'm just going to say fuck it and not care if we lose the table. i mean. its really weird to feel punished for not smoking. though i still have no inclanation to do it. other than that though last night was one of my favorites.

i just realized i have been out to a bar every night this week. monday was the blarney stone. tue and wed was the carriage house and last night was shooters. i wonder if i will go somewhere tonight. maybe. hopefully.

didn't get to bed till after 3:30. was at work by 8. i am so tired, but oh was it worht it. so so worht it. damn that couch is comfertable. i knoked right out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

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